“John Tesh likes to keep abreast of current events while sipping his morning cup of dew collected directly from a water fowl’s back.”
“John Tesh is the mother of invention.”
“John Tesh hates you and your stupid face.”
“John Tesh ate his own soul and lost 48 pounds as a consequence of aforementioned soul-consumption.”
“John Tesh has a chaise lounge made entirely of bamboo, panda fur and tears.”
“If John Tesh were a baked good he would most likely be described as “moist.”
“John Tesh knows where in the world Carmen San Diego is.”
“Every night b4 bed, John Tesh writes tender epistles 2 his 1 tru luv, the Yamaha M08 series keyboard.”
“John Tesh nearly drowned in a bucket ‘o burritos. TMZ caught pix of his sour-cream slathered, half conscious carcass on the gurney.”
“John Tesh’s first love is kazoo.”